The past week has been a rollercoaster. I’ve never been on an actual rollercoaster, but if it’s anything like my recent few days, I am NOT interested.

The thing with rollercoasters, though - is they go up and down. That seems to always be the way in life. No up without down, no waxing without waning, no joy without grief.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my ‘shadow self’ this week. I don’t know if there’s an actual definition of shadow selves or not, but here I will use the term to mean the part of our inner selves (mind / spirit) that feels ‘negative things’. Things like fear, pain, anger, sorrow. I put ‘negative things’ in air quotes because all of those feelings are healthy and protective in certain times.

Times like this week, for me.

This has been a week full of good and bad. My brother and his partner adopted a dog this week, so I am now an auntie to a beautiful furry nephew named Zack! My products are selling (omgggg!!) and that means I’ve sold out of some things. Which is exciting and overwhelming. The big bad has been I’ve been feeling extremely stressed out about future / career things, and a sudden death in my partner’s family has shattered us.

Unfortunately, I am not a Jedi master who can switch off fear. My mental health problems mean that I am usually always afraid (read: ANXIOUS) of something all the time. So how, when so many huge life events converge, do I keep my shadow self from taking over my whole life?

(Not a rhetorical question - I’m actually asking.)

My thoughts are that the shadow self is the part of me that needs attention and care. And sometimes care means laying down the law and telling yourself that actually no, you’ve had enough anxious feelings for today, thanks. But sometimes I think care can mean telling your shadow self, I see you. You are worthy. You are valid. And I am listening.

So I’m just sitting in my sorrow and uncertainty today. And telling my shadow self that it’s ok, brighter days will come again. ❤️ It’s the natural way of things.